Exploring the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender Mormon experience through stories.
This series continues with Nathan and Jefferson’s father Curtis Cloward. In this episode, pt. 1 of 2 with Curtis, he discusses how his happy childhood rolled over into a very troubled adolescence marked by shame and fear about his sexuality, learning to compartmentalize to survive, making a strong commitment to “fight the gay”, serving a mission with this battle, and receiving bad counseling from BYU therapists and Bishops.
Link to part 2 here
Part 1:
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Amazing interview, dad – thanks so much for doing this. I hope a lot of people listen!
Curtis – So grateful that you were willing to share in such detail and honesty. Much of this interview (both parts) I found myself feeling incredibly heartbroken and feeling that you have so often been too hard on yourself.
I’m so glad to hear a happy ending of family apologizing, starting to make their relationships right with you and gathering back around you in the end. I’m glad that — despite the heartache — you were able to realize that dream of having your own kids, and having those kids support you the way they have. As you and I both know, there are still far too many less hopeful endings…
These stories are so important to document.
Dad,
I loved listening, although I take slight issue to Part 2, where you stated I condemned you to hell on a regular basis. Maybe you felt that way, but I never said those words.
I was always concerned about you in my pious way, but also was angry due to my lack of understanding and, just growing up in general in a household that was so conflicted.
I remember being upset over some very personal things you and I discussed when I was still very Mormon, but, as I’ve told you before – Having my own child I was able to see that most parents do their very best, and none of us are perfect and have our own reasons for hiding some of our skeletons.
I love you, and support you, and miss you.
By the way, I just want to let you know how brave it was for you to share this story, and it was good to hear all of it from your perspective. I’m sorry for all the pain you went through, and am so glad we’re all in a much better place now as a family.